Wow. So I had really meant to start blogging sooner and now I have too much to blog about all at once!
I had orientation for nursing school already and I have a lot of thoughts on that among other things and my mind is doing its usual non-linear pattern of thinking so I'm having trouble putting together all my thoughts on the current pieces of my life.
In general, I don't really want to edit myself. Like the above paragraph. I prefer to be able to use punctuation and words as they happen and just leave them as is. So, don't correct or comment on grammar, spelling, etc because I know it is mostly wrong and I'm already self-conscious about it but I want to be able to just write without stress (for once). I'm not wasting precious spoons on that. If however something is unclear because of how it is written, feel free to ask for clarification! Just don't tell me that I used a semicolon wrong or used affect instead of effect please.
There were lots and lots of people. We were all put in the same room together for most of it. I had to figure out where to sit and lots of other things I hate doing. Lots of difficult social aspects of graduation!!
My default is to sit in a back corner because I can't deal with paying attention and sitting and listening when there is stuff going on behind me (something I'm going to have to deal with in the hospital). I tend to constantly look to see what the noises are etc. Also other issues and it is just one of the things I do and really appreciate when I'm in unfamiliar and overwhelming settings.
So, of course what happened was that there were no seats in the area I wanted. I instead sat about 3 or 4 rows from the back, all the way on the seat closest to the wall/aisle. First issue with this was that every time someone went to the bathroom I had to get up and maneuver my stuff around and it was awkward and inconvenient and often involved human touching which I don't like with strangers. Second issue. A row or two behind me there was a group of girls who talked the ENTIRE time. I couldn't focus on a lot of the presentations because they were talking. Not the type of talking where they whisper something every few minutes or comment on the presentation. They basically just sat there throughout every presentation having unrelated conversations with each other loudly enough that we could all clearly understand the whole conversation. It made it really difficult to follow and was upsetting me and I didn't know how to say something to them without being mean because I was getting upset. So that was fun (sarcasm).
One of the other big auditorium style presentations decided to do an "icebreaker". This was the same one I think that they did at accepted applicants visiting day whatever it was called. Basically "stand up if...". So, they had everyone standup who was an older sibling, then younger, etc. The idea being a way to ask basic not super personal information about each other and look around and see people who have meaningless things in common with you. For starters, obviously this is a problem because lots of people can't physically stand-up. However, generally speaking those folks aren't allowed into a lot of nursing programs anyway because of "essential qualifications" (I'm writing a post about "essential qualifications" but I'm not done yet, so I will try to remember to put the link to it back here when I finish it). On top of that, those of us with "invisible" physical disabilities are expected to do these things which we shouldn't. I am technically physically capable of standing up and sitting back down repeatedly. However, it is a bad idea and I will hurt myself. Just like I am capable of walking up a few flights of stairs but when I couldn't find the elevator the other day and was walking with a group of people and just went up the stairs with them, I was in pain for a few hours. I hate this type of shit.
The entire thing was way too loud. There were too many people. I had to leave one of the socializing parts of the week and hide in the bathroom to hyperventilate. I couldn't take my antianxiety meds though because then I couldn't take my adderall and without my adderall I can't focus on the presentations and stuff. A lot of it involved too much social stuff for me to understand or be able to deal with.
I lost my phone this past week so I didn't have it for part of orientation (I got it back). Apparently our scrubs are made out of a not comfy material. So unlike every single other pair of scrubs I have ever felt which I would be fine wearing, our scrubs are probably going to bother me. I bought a pair of used scrubs which seem to be a different fabric so I might just wear those and then wash the brand new ones a bunch of times in the laundry and see if it helps. I think if I tried to get an accommodation to wear a different scrub fabric they would throw a fit.
I made some friends, I think. I managed to finally at the very end of the first day actually have a conversation with another incoming student for more than 10 seconds. I don't know if I made friends. You know why? Because the world doesn't work the way that my Sims game does. Sometimes, I wish it did. For those of you who haven't played Sims this is what I mean. When you make two players interact, they have choices on how to interact. They can do stuff like be nice to each other. If they do friendly things, it makes the friend meter go up between them. Once it hits the top they level up in relationship status and you can move from stranger through a number of other statuses to best friends. There are also ways to interact romantically or in mean ways and that can make them become romantically involved to the point of getting married or to be nemeses. Basically, in the game the more you are nice to a person the more you are friends and there are clearly defined linear guidelines for "acquaintances" and "friends" "good friends" etc. In real life, it isn't like that. I have no idea how to not scare people away who I want to be friends with. I don't know at what point I can say "oh, yeah, my friend Bob". It just makes it even harder and adds another layer to this stuff. Especially when you throw in gender and things like that. *sigh*
The other amusing thing was that they did FIT testing for me. For those who don't know what that is basically they test your size for these protective masks. Part of the testing they put you in this big hood and they spray this stuff in a hole and tell you to stick out your tongue and tell them after how many pumps you smell or taste anything. The lady hadn't even finished the first pump when I was disgusted by the bitter taste of it. Yeah. Luckily I fit one of the standard sizes so I don't need a special one.
So, that is the basic and boring summary of how orientation went. Stay tuned!